Cancer Sucks, Obviously

This is a bummer post but it's been a pretty bummer week ~ one of our good friends passed away on Sunday at the age of 36 after a 2 year battle with pancreatic cancer. He was married this past October. WTF.

I'm not sure if it's because I had cancer so I'm sensitive to it, or because I'm getting older, but I feel like everyone I know has cancer. Or they are at least touched by it.

Me
Uncle Bruce
Papa*
Fraelicks*
Monie's Mom
Tanya
Sue's Mom*
Brenda's sister
Silvie's Mom*
Melissa's Dad
Melissa's Aunt
T's good friend
Mr. Z
Kate

Okay so this is the short list of all the people I am connected to that I could name in 1 minute. Gross.

Good results and birds singing...

Living in New England (and Michigan) you know that no signs of spring can be trusted - but - today I could hear birds outside of my office and it was such a sweet sound. It's also been sunny and good lunch time walking weather this week. Hey, I'll take what I can get.

Which was also good pathology results from my excision last week! Wahoo! They took a lesion off my head (above my right ear) and ten stitches later I'm good as new. We never thought it was going to be Melanoma again but it's always nice to know for certain.

My favorite things for today are as follows:

http://www.pandora.com/ - online music where you simply put in an artist, song or genre and they create a music station for you. Today I typed in Old Crow Medicine Show and have had a fantastic stream of bluegrass ever since.

Trader Joe's cocoa almonds

Planet Earth on DVD - I cannot stop watching it!

Would it be silly to fly back to MI for a check-up?

Sometimes I'm just tired. Being a patient is a lot of work. Sometimes I think if I ever hear the word "advocate" again I'll just scream. I know that when it comes right down to it the only person responsible for my health and for my life is me but that's a pretty big responsibility and it would be nice to share it with someone.

Doctor anyone?

Since moving back to MA from MI 5 months ago it has been an ordeal to get set-up with a good team of doctors here and I'm beyond frustrated. This month alone I was seen at both Brigham and Women's and MGH and I was unimpressed to say the least. I felt like I wasn't sick enough to get good care. I felt like because I wasn't dying that I received less than adequate attention. I'm in the service business and let me tell you - the service I've been getting has SUCKED.

Moving back to Boston I had expectation (or disillusions) that I would be in a better place and, frankly, when you're a cancer patient feeling reassured is the best feeling in the world. No one will ever tell you again that you're going to be "fine" - they can't - you may not be and they have no idea whether or not you will. The feel good part come with working with doctors you trust and working with doctors who you feel are invested in your case, in your health, in your life. It's still a leap of faith but it's all we've got.

I guess I just have to keep looking. Keep advocating for myself.